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Dec 02 2015
by Taylor Laroche

If Shakespeare Plays Took Place on a College Campus

By Taylor Laroche - Dec 02 2015

Romeo and Juliet

Two Greek houses, both alike in dignity, with a long history of warring members who attack and humiliate the other house. Romeo, VP of the Montague fraternity, and Juliet, a brand new pledge to the Capulet sorority, meet at a mixer and fall in love (or… at least… lust), but have to hide their relationship from their brothers and sisters, at least until graduation. With Romeo being a horny senior, and Juliet an innocent freshman, the famous balcony scene looks a little more like this:


Place: Backstage at the main stage theatre

Time: Final Dress Rehearsal

Characters: Understudies for the Male and Female Leads

Male Understudy: Damn, I wish I was the lead. That guy doesn't even deserve it. I can act way better than him! I mean, no I don't have any training, but I'm better! I just am!
Female Understudy: Let's just get rid of him! And, you know, that bitch he plays opposite, too.
Male Understudy: What? No! We couldn't do that!
Female Understudy: Sure we could! I've actually been thinking about it for a while, I have a whole plan mapped out.
Male Understudy: I don't know…
Female Understudy: Don't be a scared little bitch! Let's go!
Male Understudy: You're scary…

A Midsummer Night's Dream

This would be "the hottest story" on campus, which you know can't be true, but allows everyone to validate their excessive use of Tinder and certain substances. Gal pals Helena and Hermia are hanging out, checking out Tinder, when they come upon some very interesting prospects. After they both swipe right, they continue to scroll through a little more, until Hermia accidentally swipes right on another guy, the same guy that Helena had previously swiped right on. Hermia gets two match notifications, while jealous Helena gets none. Hermia plans to meet up with Lysander, the guy she originally swiped right on, and invites Helena along because Lysander has a friend. As it turns out, that friend is Demetrius, the guy that Helena was interested in, but who replied to Hermia's accidental right swipe. The foursome enjoys some Puck together and starts to hallucinate fairies and all make out with each other, mixing up who they were originally there for. In the morning, they wake up in each other's arms, with no memory of the previous night, but decide that they must have had fun and decide to see each other again. Of course, it is quite possible Shakespeare was enjoying some Puck himself when he came up with this…

Twelfth Night

Two twins, Sebastian and Viola, look so much alike that one could conceivably dress up and pretend to be the other. Viola dresses as her brother so that she can compete on an all boys soccer team and prove that girls can do anything boys can. Unfortunately, she falls for another guy on her soccer team, Orsino (aka Duke), and pines over him. Meanwhile while Viola's lab partner, and Duke's crush, Olivia, assumes Viola is a guy and falls for her. Viola has to ward off Olivia and keep herself from revealing her secret while trying to get closer to Duke and earn his trust… Wait… I think this story may have been told before...

That's right! This adaption of Twelfth Night already exists! She's the Man stars Amanda Bynes and Channing Tatum. Check it for yourself!

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Taylor Laroche - Columbia College Chicago

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