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Mar 29 2016
by Sarah Franzetti

Why It's OK Not To Have a Friend Group Yet

By Sarah Franzetti - Mar 29 2016
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I’m willing to bet that almost everyone reading this right now has fallen victim to friendvy at least once in their life. What is friendvy? I’m glad you asked. Friendvy, or a combination of the words friends and envy, occurs when you see a group of friends, either in person or via social media, who seem to have it all together. This is that group of people who you wish you could be friends with because they basically seem like the real life version of the TV show Friends. From a distance, it seems this friend group never fights, always does fun friend activities, goes on cool, late night adventures, has top secret inside jokes, and has strong, everlasting bonds amongst its members. When you’re a freshman in college, these are the exact things you are searching for in new friends, but this is not always easy to find amongst a sea of people who were complete strangers to you just a few months ago.

Friendvy symptoms include worrying about fitting in, feeling alone, scared, or that you will never find your ideal college friend group. At its worst, friendvy can make one question his or her entire social life.

The source for much of this worrying often comes from the perception that at this point in the year, everyone has already found their friend group and has it has it all figured out—except you. But trust me, that’s just the friendvy talking. No freshman, or any person for that matter, has everything in their life figured out, be it with friends or anything else. If you haven’t found your friend group yet, that is perfectly okay. I guarantee that not only are there others like you, but that you will find people who make you happy and who you want to surround yourself with.

In fact, I think that if you haven’t found your friend group yet, you’re actually smarter than many other college freshman. Many students enthusiastically arrive at school ready to meet new people and make friends, which is great. But many of these students jump into friendships too quickly and get attached to the first group of people they meet. If you are lucky, the first group of people you meet become your lifelong friends, but most people are not that lucky. In most cases, your freshman year friends will not be your friends forever. If you have not found your group of friends yet, it is not because there is something wrong with you, it is because you recognize that not all of these freshman year friendships are genuine, and you would rather wait for something that is. Good friends are hard to find, but when they are finally found, you will be glad you waited, instead of just settling for the first person you introduced yourself to on move in day.

As you are looking for the right people to share your college years with, remember that the people you have friendvy of are not as perfect as you might think. Do not be fooled by all the perfectly posed Instagram pictures. I assure you that, like any friend group, they do not always get along and are not just like the characters on Friends. Some of them may even be wondering if they truly fit in and they too may have friendvy of another group. It is important to keep in mind that all friend groups have their share of worries and disagreements, and most certainly do not feel like a TV show—life rarely does. But when you do find your group of friends, none of this will matter, because any worries you may have will be overshadowed by the pure happiness that only true friends can bring.

True friendship is a natural thing. It is not formed forcibly, but rather with ease when you meet people who share the same values, dreams, goals, and hobbies as you. You may have to first discover who you are so you can discover who you want to be friends with. Whatever journey your freshman year takes you on, don’t rush into anything, especially friendships. Good things come in time. And like all things that are good in this world, it may not be easy to find your friends, but it will certainly be worth it. 

Lead Image Credit: Creative Commons

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Sarah Franzetti - Marist College

Sarah Franzetti is a freshman at Marist College majoring in communications with a concentration in journalism. In high school, she was the News Editor of her school paper. She enjoys binge-watching "The Office," going to the beach, playing tennis and dreaming of a world where people know the difference between they're, there and their. Follow her on Twitter @S_Franzetti!

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