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Nov 29 2015
by Natalee Gustin

If Hogwarts Was Actually a University

By Natalee Gustin - Nov 29 2015

Don't try to deny the fact that you've been waiting for your Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry acceptance letter since you were 11 years old. Hogwarts has been our biggest dream since we were kids, and something tells me that we'll never give up on that dream. Even though we're in college, we still wish we could cast awesome spells and brew potions that would make life way easier and a million times more exciting. We would undoubtably love to replace Chemistry with Charms lessons, and learning how to transform your enemies into rats would be way more interesting than Calculus lectures. Here are some things that would be changed if Hogwarts was a college: 

Quill-Written Acceptance Letters

Getting those thick envelopes from your college of choice is an exciting moment for all of us, but I have a feeling that students would be even more enthusiastic if they received their college acceptance letters from an owl instead of the mailman. Oh, and the fact that getting accepted into a school of MAGIC(!!!) would be just a bit incredible as well.

Getting Lucky on Midterms

Ever wonder how the guy who snores through every lecture aces the big exams? Instead of studying, he brewed up a perfect batch of Felix Felicis the night before to bring him good luck.

Designated Fliers Would Be Required

Before you go out for the night, you’ll need to choose someone to leave the pumpkin juice at home so you can get back to your dorm safely. But you won’t have to lock up your keys, a broomstick to fly through the skies is your mode of transportation at Hogwarts University.

Quidditch Pong

Step aside, beer pong, the bar for drinking games has just been raised. If you thought bouncing a ping pong ball into a cup was hard, try whizzing a Quaffle into a tiny hoop and catching the golden Snitch while the room is spinning.

Constant Wizard Duels

Those drunken bar fights over something ridiculous after too many butterbeers can get pretty out of hand, but when wands get whipped out and Cruciatus Curses start flying, it’s time to GTFO.

Accio Alcohol!

It’ll become your favorite spell, believe me.

Intense Competitions Between Schools

The playful banter between schools would be much more intense if you could easily make your enemy puke slugs or jinx each other into ferrets.

No More Excuses of “I Ran Out of Time”

You binge watched 10 episodes of How I Met Your Mother instead of studying for your Herbology exam? You spent too much time in Hogsmeade to avoid writing your term paper on the powerful effects of the Draught of the Living Dead? No problem, just use your handy dandy Time Turner to flash back to the past and use your time wisely.

Eccentric Language Choices

So you failed Spanish in High School -- no problem. Your next option to fulfill your language requirement is a bit more exotic: Parseltongue. Have fun speaking to snakes for every class!

Cancelled Finals(!?)

That’s what Dumbledore ALWAYS does, so if college is Hogwarts, can we count on not having to take finals at the end of the semester? 

Lead image credit: Warner Bros.

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Natalee Gustin - University of Minnesota Twin Cities

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