A lot of us have sex. A lot of us have roommates. Here is a fun little guide to make sure that those two do not coincide with each other. Now that you’re in college, you have tons of freedom and you can choose to do what you wish with said freedom. In college, getting kicked out of your dorm for the purpose of your roommate having some “private time” with another person, otherwise known as sexiling, is all too real.
Personally, I never had to experience being sexiled because my roommate never brought another person into our room, nor have my suite-mates, but some of my close friends have been sexilied. There have been times where I have offered for them to stay in my dorm for the night. While you can never be forced out of your room by your roommate, there are times where you feel like you have to leave or else you will be stuck in an uncomfortable situation.
Now, for those of you who would like to have some one-on-one time with your significant other, here are some tips for making your intentions clear and communicating with your roommate that you share your tiny little box of a room with.
1. Tell your roommate if/when you get a SO or hookup.
It is really important to tell your roommate if you have someone that might be coming over occasionally (or a lot) that way it can be on their radar. The worst is when you’ve been out of your dorm all day and you come back only to find an unexpected visitor sitting in your room when all you want to do is go take a shower and then head to bed or watch some Netflix.
Your roommate will most likely then have to make the decision of whether to awkwardly stay in their room and tell you to go somewhere else or to just find another place to go while you are with your SO. If you tell them that, they will at least know that there is a possibility that someone might be over at a certain time.
2. Ask your roommate about their class and extracurricular activities, as well as if there are any weekends they are going home.
The best time to have your room to yourself and your SO is when you know your roommate definitely won’t be there. You can casually ask about their classes and compare schedules and even make an effort to get to know what other clubs or organizations your roommate is involved in and the time commitments for each.
3. Don't try to hide your sex life.
If you’re having sex and your roommate isn’t, it can definitely be awkward. By letting your roommate know that from the beginning of your time living together, then conflict could definitely be avoided in one of those “walking in on your roommate while they’re getting it on” situations. That happened to one of my friends this year because she was being secretive and it resulted in her roommate not talking or even being cordial to her for the rest of the year.
4. Clean up after yourself.
Nothing is worse than coming back to a dirty room. The least you could do as a courtesy for your roommate is make sure that you and your SO clean up your mess, such as clothing on the floor.
5. Play music or put on a TV show.
You may be a little confused as to what I am trying to say here. This year, the people who lived on the floor above me were hooking up on a regular basis and I could hear it from my room and even the hall and it make me uncomfortable. If you have something else on, the people that can hear you, including your roommate, will greatly appreciate not hearing the loving sounds you two are making.
6. Go somewhere else.
If your roommate simply will not leave your room, go find a makeshift place to have sex if you and your partner want to so badly.
7. Lock your doors.
Even if you think you know your roommate is going to be gone, you can never be too sure that is actually the case. If you have your door locked, that is a good indicator as to if your roommate unexpectedly shows up. By hearing the noise that a locked door makes and the clicking of keys, that can buy you and your SO a little additional time to at least look like you weren’t just having sex.
8. Strategically plan out when you are going to ask your roommate for the room to yourself.
It wouldn’t be fair to sexile your roommate every time you and your SO get together. That will make them feel worthless and you will feel like a terrible roommate (if you have a conscious, that is). It’s college. You and your SO don’t need to be together every day. Do something else like FaceTime them if you absolutely need to see them. If it is OK with your roommate, I would keep the sexiling to once or twice a week, tops.
9. Be understanding.
Don’t get upset or heartbroken if your roommate refuses to give up the room for you and your SO. It is important to realize that you both share that tiny little room and have equal access to it at all times. Rather, be thankful for the time that your roommate is out of the room or specifically gives you time alone in the room. If you make a huge stink out of your roommate saying no, they will most likely say no more often in the future.
10. Get on the same page with overnight guest rules.
When people have been dating for a while or even if it is just a hookup, they may take advantage of certain things, such as taking a super long shower in the morning, leaving their toothbrush in the shower or even eating your food. Eating food that is yours without asking is unacceptable because even if you don’t have a bae, food can always be your bae.
Good luck with your sexual encounters throughout freshman year, if you have any, and remember to use protection. And if you were anything like me and not having sex, then make your point clear about what you will and will not allow if your roommate has a SO.
Lead Image Credit: Kate via Unsplash