For Freshmen. By Freshmen.
Display screen shot 2015 07 16 at 4.34.17 pm
Jul 29 2015
by Megan Varra

If the Seven Dwarfs Were College Students

By Megan Varra - Jul 29 2015

College is full of new experiences, academic challenges and the occasional creepy professor. There are different types of people from variations of cultures, home lives and routines. Regardless of your situation, you will encounter many people, but these seven types of college students will be present no matter where you go. They hilariously reflect the seven dwarfs and their personalities. There will always be Grumpy and Sneezy, disturbing class while Happy and Doc have an argument over the professor's previous lecture. Bashful will be staring at the cutie in front of them and Sleepy will obviously be passed out in the back. Dopey will be cluelessly sitting in the front trying to figure out what just happened in the last two hours. Whatever dwarf you are, you are not alone. Go out and find your complementary dwarf. When you do, sit down and watch "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" to avoid finishing that English paper that you are dreading. Happy hunting!


Walt Disney Productions

This is the person who uses their hoodie to hide and their glasses to distract. They typically sit in the back row, quietly listening to the lecture. Their roommate has a hard time communicating with them, but Bashful takes other's thoughts into consideration while cohesively criticizing their own creativity. Bashful is also very observant and makes sure to always take notes. This dwarf can be found sitting at the table with the umbrella and the friendly squirrel that has grown accustomed to their avocado wrap. Bashful's dorm room consists of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Plato quotes with a soft neutral or pastel bedspread. Their perfume or cologne smells like a rainy morning. The college atmosphere changes seasons almost as much as they change their mind.


Walt Disney Productions

Doc's round glasses resembling Harry Potter’s give off the impression of high stature and achievement. In another parallel with the highly acclaimed British wizard movie, Doc similarly reflects Draco Malfoy in their conceded nature. This dwarf is smart, and they know it. Doc uses this trait as a weapon, especially when they suck up to the professors by volunteering time and attention to bump up their grade(s). Doc talks to everyone in class, sacrificing the consideration of other’s opinions and feelings. However, you may have caught them sitting at lunch or walking alone on more than one occasion. Since Doc has OCD tendencies, their dorm is (perhaps unnaturally) clean and organized — every pen is upright and no pillow is out of place. The sheets are tucked as well as a hotel maid would do it and the clothes are coordinated by color and style. Every night Doc calls his parents because deep down Doc is very caring; however, they still need to work on opening up to other people.


Walt Disney Productions 

How did Dopey even get into college? It might be the money or the looks, but it definitely was not the smarts. This dwarf took the SAT's five times without successfully raising his grade. You are convinced that they got through high school by hiring nerds to write AP papers for a hefty price. It seems wrong to pin the "dumb jock" stereotype, but it also seems like a perfect fit. You see him during class breaks talking to the Docs of the class while simultaneously writing notes in hopes of passing the next test — if only they knew of the free tutors in the library. Dopey's intentions are silly and they are often the butt of the joke in the classroom. Dopey has no 8 a.m. classes due to their late night study sessions with their much smarter significant other. Their dorm room is messy, but has all the sports figures and unidentified smells you'd expect. Let's hope this dwarf graduates.


Walt Disney Productions

Happy is always smiling (it actually kind of creeps you out). You have never seen them have a bad day in their life. Their joy radiates into a beautiful white smile that only an orthodontist's child could have. As Happy walks across campus in their clean, bright and well-put together outfit, they give a warm smile to everyone who crosses paths with them. Even when this dwarf failed that pre-calc quiz, they gave off a grateful vibe that made you envious of their forgiving nature. Happy is involved in every extracurricular activity that you can imagine — Surfing Club, the Art Society and Habitat for Humanity. Their dorm room is a warm shade of yellow that compliments the white sheets on the twin XL bed. Also, the curtains are always open in order to let natural light in during the day. Inspirational posters depicting famous figures, such as Martin Luther King, Jr. and Audrey Hepburn, line the walls of their dorm as well. Happy is in the top-tier fraternity or sorority and is destined to be the president once they reach senior status. This dwarf is the epitome of a good time, always willing to go and try something new with an attitude that beats the fun of the activity. If you ever see Happy frown, take a picture because it will be a once in a lifetime event.


Walt Disney Productions

This is the most common dwarf seen among college students. Everybody has a little Sleepy in them. This is the person that walks to class with baggy eyes and a Red Bull in hand even though it is noon. Their wardrobe consists of flannel pajamas and baggy T-shirts. They often have a pillow pet underneath their arm ready for a nap anywhere. They prefer to sit down and relax than go out to a huge party. Alarm clock is not in their vocabulary. They are dedicated to the idea that sleep is the only thing they need in college despite being broke from not working. Sleepy often takes a cat nap in their statistics class while everyone else is attentively listening to the lecture. Their room consists of the comfiest pillows and throws that you will ever lay your eyes upon — it's no wonder they sleep non-stop. Plus, the curtains are blacked-out to prevent light from even peeking through to disturb their slumber. While you need melatonin to go to sleep at night, they need a Monster every hour to get through the three-hour class they have next.


Walt Disney Productions 

Do you need a cough drop? Some Kleenex? A doctor? Everyone tells you about the infamous and dreaded sickness that every college freshman gets while staying in the crowded and stuffy dorms. However, this dwarf never seems to get better. Sneezy is endlessly, well, sneezing and sniffling in class with their handy pocket-sized tissues next to their orange flavored Emergen-C. It's hard to become friends with Sneezy once the constant questions about notes and tests flood in from them skipping class all the time. The nurses in the Student Health Center know Sneezy by name and their dorm room is practically a live-in pharmacy. He has had every disease known to man, but still self-diagnoses by using Web MD so it is hard to take them seriously. The drought in your college town is caused by the constant refills of their humidifier. Sneezy's dorm room and hallway always has the smell of Vicks Mint Vapor Rub. Hopefully Sneezy is studying to become a doctor so they can cure the many new illnesses that they have contracted.


Walt Disney Productions 

There is always something bothering this person and there is nothing you can do to make them feel better — not even chocolate works! Grumpy refuses to accept the beautiful life that they have and is determined to complain about every little thing that has gone wrong. They get annoyed easily with their friends and they do not try to hide it in the slightest. Grumpy's significant other has never seen them happy or joyful, but that is why Grumpy's SO loves them because they balance each other out. This dwarf has little to no patience for antics in the classroom — they take their academics very seriously. As president of the student body, Grumpy encompasses the overall mood of a regular college student. They are usually stressed out by their 20-credit class schedule and overwhelming list of extracurricular activities. Grumpy holds everything that they do to the highest honor without fail. And although they may bark and bite, Grumpy cares for the universal good.

Lead Image Credit: Walt Disney Productions

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Megan Varra - San Diego State University

Megan Varra is a freshmen at San Diego State University. She is in the process of trying to figure out what she wants to do for the rest of her life. Megan was awarded the title "Most Likely to Have 4 Boyfriends" by her co-workers at Chick-Fil-A. In her spare time, she indulges herself with Criminal Minds marathons while simultaneously stuffing her face with Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. Follow her on Instagram @meganvarra.

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