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Sep 12 2017
by Cassidy Jackson

How to Stop Boy Obsession From Taking Over Your College Experience

By Cassidy Jackson - Sep 12 2017

“Cass, what exactly is your type?”

Being the sarcastic human being I am, I replied with, “My preferred type of pen? Gel. Smoother feel.”

Her face scrunched up like a raisin and slowly, in the condescending tone of a mother, she said, “No...Cassidy, your ideal type of guy.”

Yeah, I’m not stupid. I knew what my dear friend meant when she said “type.” She meant type of man that attracts me. The reason I whipped out my beautiful sarcasm is because nowadays, I try my best to avoid all conversations focused on the male gender since I’m metaphorically a walking grandma when it comes to that topic. Been there, done that. More like been there, obsessed with that.

I’ve been trapped in an unbroken cycle of boy obsession with shall I say... multiple victims. The cycle usually goes like so: Step one, choose my target. Of course, they’re always picked on a superficial level. Step two, obsess, obsess and oh, did I mention obsess?

About two months ago, I finally realized the excessive energy I was putting into the opposite sex, fantasizing about unreal relationships and wasting my energy worrying about what I said to a guy that didn’t care about me. It all wasn’t worth it. Now, whenever guys are brought up, I metaphorically release a huge sigh of exhaustion. Exhaustion, because for the past two years, I’ve been an A1 boy-obsessed girl, but not anymore, folks.

Here are three tips to drag yourself out of the cycle of boy obsession. Heading off to college, no one wants stupid guys to be looming over our heads.

1. Find out where your obsession stems from.

Ask yourself this one simple question: “Why am I boy crazed?” Is it that society has molded you to feel like a guy is the answer? Are you lonely? Does your male obsession and craving stem from the fact that you’re trying to fill some deep void? What is it? Because as we all know, the first step to recovery is acceptance, so you need to acknowledge and accept what’s truly sparking this inescapable obsession of yours. For me, it was that deep down, I wasn’t secure in myself, and I’m still not! Accepting that sad fact has allowed me to reel myself back in whenever I catch myself getting hung up on a guy.

2. Realize that it’s hurting you, honey!

Now, ask yourself this second question: “What is obsessing actually doing for me?” The answer is nothing! Staring at that guy on the train, crushing hard on the football player in English or staying hung up on your ex isn’t benefiting you in any way. It's time to shift that focus from external to internal. It’s time to invest in yourself. For the past however long, you’ve been investing in guys like stocks, hoping for a good return, only to always walk away with an L. You are worth AND deserve much more than that. You deserve a guy that’s crazy about you, a guy who wants you just as much as you want him! So, in the meantime until he comes into your life (which he will), just do you, boo!

3. Put your trust into the hands of the universe.

This last piece of advice was a game changer for me. It is to trust the universe. When a guy is supposed to enter your life, he will. Stop trying to force him into existence. Stop trying to force something that’s just not meant to be at this very moment. Patience is key, and you never know! Maybe you’ll find a guy that obsesses over you just as much as you obsess over him!

For a while, I labeled myself as an A1 boy obsessor. My romantic hopes were always high and in the end, I was always let down. Now, I know that I’m worth more, and I hope that you know that, too. In the beautiful words of Big Sean, “Last time took an L, but tonight, I bounce back.” 

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Cassidy Jackson - Northwestern University

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