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Oct 24 2017
by Alejandra Arevalo

6 Reasons Why College Students Are Bad At Love

By Alejandra Arevalo - Oct 24 2017
Looking at my history, I’m bad at love. Recently, Halsey moved New York's Barclays Center singing about love and frustration. Her album "Hopeless Fountain Kingdom" made me reflect on my love life, something I had stopped thinking about after several frustrating experiences.

Maybe there is something wrong with me. I haven’t found my perfect someone like in any of the thousand romantic movies and books that talk about high school love. Maybe I am too ugly, too annoying, too unlovable. The real problem isn’t who I am, but what I’ve been doing always making the same mistakes. After thinking about this, I continued listening to the Halsey’s album and noticed that she mentioned many of the errors I hadn’t seen before.

Now that I've been in college for over a month, I am not only hoping to succeed in my classes and make more friends, but also to change my love life for the better. You're probably thinking the same, but if we want to improve, we need to understand what we’ve been doing wrong.

1. Not loving ourselves (enough).

If we don't accept who we are and love everything that makes us unique, how do we expect someone else to do it? It isn't easy, especially because our society constantly tries to impose on us how we should look and what we should think. But if we connect with ourselves and start this journey of self-love, people will become attracted to our self-confidence and braveness.

2. Getting stuck on someone.

This is one of the most toxic behaviors, yet one of the most common. It's normal to be strongly attracted to someone, but if we don’t see that the other person feels the same for us, there’s no point in forcing it. Trying to make someone like us only leads to changing who we are to fit the expectations of someone else. If we stop being fools and look around us, we will probably find someone who likes us without conditions.

3. Wanting to be in a relationship just because everyone else is in one.

Just because all your friends are posting cute couple pictures on social media doesn't mean that you must do the same. If you aren't in love with someone, don't try to date the first person you find because that will only make you both uncomfortable and unhappy.

4. Being afraid of commitment.

Sometimes the problem isn't that we don't find our perfect someone, but that we don't want to be in a formal relationship. Reasons can be not wanting to lose our freedom or to avoid suffering after a possible breakup. However, this behavior only moves us away from having memorable experiences with the person we like. If you find "the right one," don't let it go; it may take a long time until you meet someone similar.

5. Not getting the friend-zone signs. 

It's true that lovers should be best friends as there should be enough confidence between them to be themselves, to share their passions and fears and to become better together. That doesn't mean that all friendships will end up in romantic relationships. If the other person is constantly pointing out how deep your friendship is or doesn't want to go on a date, you should accept the friend-zone signs with respect. Preserve friendships above everything.

6. Seeking rebound relationships.

After breaking up with someone, we tend to look for someone else to makes us get over it. Yet, rebound relationships are hurtful as the broken one tends to compare the new partner with the ex. The best option is to look for the comfort and love of our friends and family. 

These aren't the only mistakes and might not be your mistakes, but I hope that they make you think about what you've been doing wrong. However, don't be harsh on yourself. Don't believe that because you haven't found love, you will never find it. Go through this semester of college with a fresh mind and most importantly, stop looking for love. The best things always come unexpectedly. 

Lead Image Credit: Pixabay

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Alejandra Arevalo - New York University

Alejandra Arevalo is a sophomore at NYU studying journalism and sociology. She is a passionate foodie, art lover and adventure-seeker. Her dream job is to work for a major international newspaper, as a reporter or photojournalist, discussing social issues.

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